Window shopping

Window shopping

The feeling is rather unexplained and I wish that I could let you into my head,

So that I wouldn't have to struggle so, to find the words that will make you understand, but I will try………………………………

It feels like longing, but it’s not longing because you can long for almost anything it’s much more like missing, like when you want the past to recreate it’s self into the present. The only deference is you’ve never lived that past. You’ve never experienced the very thing you’re missing.

It’s like window shopping, looking through the window of your favorite store and imagining the feel of your skin in that dress or your home with that specific tall vase standing in the corner on that shelf of the same shade, and those new plush scatter cushions. You can almost see how it brightens up the room that smells of newly polished wood, and yet, you’ve never had your own place nor the vase on the corner table of the same shade. 
You never had the comfort of scatter cushions or been in a room that’s even slightly similar to what you imagine yours to be, but  the feeling, this feeling of longing, of missing  it lingers in your chest for those moments you stand with you nose pressed up against the cold store window.

Sometimes it’s more then surreal.

It’s like closing your eyes and imagining yourself sitting on the rocks with your feet covered in sand at the beach looking out over the vast expanse of the calming ocean, the smell of ocean winds filling your lungs and then escaping on the exhale, the feeling of cool air against your skin while listening to the waves rolling onto shore.

Except your blind and you’ve never been to the beach.

Like I said on most days, It feels like longing, but it’s not longing cause my heart can long for almost anything it’s much more like missing, like when I want the past to recreate it’s self into the present. 
The only deference is I’ve never lived that past & I’ve never experienced the very thing I’m missing.

And I keep thinking ………

How is it even possible that I can miss, something that I have never had.

2 March 2011